Halloween

So on the train today I decided to systematically invent the most EXTREMEST EVER HALLOWEEN costume. It turned out to look like THIS. It's a pretty crappy drawing, but i've number-labelled each terrifying feature to make it more understandable.

1) One of those Frilly Puffy out things that some Desert-Lizards have behind their heads...to scare things!

2) Can you think of anything more destructive than a black hole? Well how about a black hole instead of a face?!

3) Fake hands...but on the wrong hands...to bemuse enemies!

4) Broken chain-restraints...so you look DANGEROUS!

5) Bits of grilled bacon hanging under your armpits. Self explanatory.

6) A scorpion tail, because scorpions are deadly...

7) ....but is a scorpion sting really deadly enough? Not as deadly as...a JELLYFISH!

8) Some dangling wires so you look like you're from the future.

9) Skates. Because no-one can run from a man with skates!

10) Bits of circuitry glued to the skates...again...futuristic bastard robot from a post-apocalyptic dystopian future?

11) Boxers.

12) A Minotaur head strapped to your chest, because Minotaurs are bitchin'.

13) Bottles of urine strapped to your knees. Because quite frankly, no-one would ever mess with you.

Octoberdeer

Its nearly November. Which means what? Nearly Halloween? Nearly XMAS?! Sure thing...but it also means that the Reindeer are mating. Obviously the freak males who fail to find a mate are given the power to fly and become slaves of Santa for eternity until he has more reindeer than he does bastard products of consumerism and they take him out of the stratosphere in some kind of freak anti-gravity kamikazi incident. All hypothetical. 

But seriously, this Santa myth detracts from the mystique behind the reindeer. I mean, this applies to lots of other animals too. How do they enjoy themselves? Why are they so stupider than us yet so seemingly less irrational? I mean we go about sky-diving and buying ceramic smoking babies from the internet...and if we don't we complain about life or write bad things about people we're jealous of in our diaries. 

So how do reindeers get their kicks? I refuse to believe that they eat, grow up, fight, mate, and die. Oh, SURE they "play"...as many nature documentaries will have shown us. But is chasing and sniffing really playing? Tetris would blow their hoofed minds. I think theres a dark secretive side. I mean, when people are around, deer are only capable of expressing a hilarious expression of fear. When we're not around? WHO KNOWS?! FREAKING...UFO GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY. The truth is out there.