HATESHAKE

It came to me in a dream.  Something about a major corporation owning a factory of Hate-Shake. Except Hate-Shake didn't appear in the dream at all. It was more of a distraction from some kind of secret beyond-the-government conspiracy. Kinda like Mr.Bennet's paper company in 'Heroes'. BUT ANYWAY. This is all irrelevant. 

The basic idea is that you have hate instead of milk. This seemed perfectly rational until someone asked me how you got a physical manifestation of hate that had properties so akin to milk that it could be produced and consumed in the same manner as milkshake. I thought for a second and then it hit me. Like a lightbulb smeared with pizza. 

You milk Nazis.

Surely, this is the answer. I mean, if you milk a Nazi, how can you expect anything *but* pure, liquified hate to come out?! This was like finding a piece to a jigsaw that you thought didn't have a piece missing. It was like buying a burger with a voucher and then they ask you back and you think they're going to say the voucher isn't valid, but instead they just say how you forgot your free drink. It was like trying to write sentences by re-arranging the letters on someone's computer keyboard then realising you cant make many sentences but instead realising in a sudden bout of enlightenment that you can just smash their computer up.

Well.

Not really. But you get the point.

There's still a problem however...to produce this idea I would actually need to go about milking Nazi's. As someone strongly opposed to Racism, Homophobia and Religion (and pretty much most things Hitler endorsed...maybe minus Bach, Beethoven and Wagner) I am kind of pretty damn scared of going anywhere near a Nazi (or neo-nazi, I guess). MILKING one would be beyond frightening. I'm guessing I'd have to do it by force. Which would kind of teach them for being so...you know. Silly. Now that I think about it, there aren't many people who'd make or buy this product. Shame, because it's kind of genius. 

Oh well. Just another dream then.

HILARIOUS OR JUST REALLY SAD?!

So yeah. I did this drawing last night. Whilst drawing it, I was sniggering like hell because I thought it was brilliantly hilarious. But now that I look at it, it's kind of really not. But theres still something about it that makes me want to stick it on my wall. I genuinely can't decide whether I find  this drawing highly amusing or mindlessly depressing. That's why I wanna hear YOUR feedback! Tell me whatever the hell you think about it, whether it makes you laugh, cry, frown, snigger, urinate, hunt bears, or just plain horny.

Halloween

So on the train today I decided to systematically invent the most EXTREMEST EVER HALLOWEEN costume. It turned out to look like THIS. It's a pretty crappy drawing, but i've number-labelled each terrifying feature to make it more understandable.

1) One of those Frilly Puffy out things that some Desert-Lizards have behind their heads...to scare things!

2) Can you think of anything more destructive than a black hole? Well how about a black hole instead of a face?!

3) Fake hands...but on the wrong hands...to bemuse enemies!

4) Broken chain-restraints...so you look DANGEROUS!

5) Bits of grilled bacon hanging under your armpits. Self explanatory.

6) A scorpion tail, because scorpions are deadly...

7) ....but is a scorpion sting really deadly enough? Not as deadly as...a JELLYFISH!

8) Some dangling wires so you look like you're from the future.

9) Skates. Because no-one can run from a man with skates!

10) Bits of circuitry glued to the skates...again...futuristic bastard robot from a post-apocalyptic dystopian future?

11) Boxers.

12) A Minotaur head strapped to your chest, because Minotaurs are bitchin'.

13) Bottles of urine strapped to your knees. Because quite frankly, no-one would ever mess with you.

Octoberdeer

Its nearly November. Which means what? Nearly Halloween? Nearly XMAS?! Sure thing...but it also means that the Reindeer are mating. Obviously the freak males who fail to find a mate are given the power to fly and become slaves of Santa for eternity until he has more reindeer than he does bastard products of consumerism and they take him out of the stratosphere in some kind of freak anti-gravity kamikazi incident. All hypothetical. 

But seriously, this Santa myth detracts from the mystique behind the reindeer. I mean, this applies to lots of other animals too. How do they enjoy themselves? Why are they so stupider than us yet so seemingly less irrational? I mean we go about sky-diving and buying ceramic smoking babies from the internet...and if we don't we complain about life or write bad things about people we're jealous of in our diaries. 

So how do reindeers get their kicks? I refuse to believe that they eat, grow up, fight, mate, and die. Oh, SURE they "play"...as many nature documentaries will have shown us. But is chasing and sniffing really playing? Tetris would blow their hoofed minds. I think theres a dark secretive side. I mean, when people are around, deer are only capable of expressing a hilarious expression of fear. When we're not around? WHO KNOWS?! FREAKING...UFO GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY. The truth is out there.